Now that I’m in England, I’ve lost access to my artisan American chocolates (rest assured I still have many to post about, though). Luckily for me, Thorntons offers a fair few interesting flavours in its 70-90g block range, and I seem to be making my way through rather a lot of them.
Thorntons Dark Chocolate with Balsamic
Thorntons is quite the fan of florid marketing speak. I understand the intent behind calling this bar “exquisite, dark chocolate laced with the finest balsamic vinegar”, yet am slightly perplexed by the chocolate being described as “mildly intense”. Mildly intense? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms, like saying something is “coldly hot”, or “mullet-ly charming”, for example?
There’s definitely something beyond the usual chocolate notes in this bar’s aroma. Something tangy, fruity, wine-like, acidic… but I don’t think I could pick it as balsamic vinegar. The same goes for the taste, for while I tried to get balsamic from it, my mind kept telling me cherry cordial, merlot, port, blackcurrant, and a little bit of walnut.
HCarryOn tried this one too, and was more adamant than I that it didn’t taste like balsamic vinegar. I did, however, enjoy how this started with cherry cordial, port, and redcurrant jelly flavours before trailing off into bitter walnut. In fact, I’m surprised by how much I enjoyed it, as I usually tend towards earthier chocolates. Maybe I was subconsciously stockpiling pleasure before I tried…
Thorntons Dark Chocolate with Chilli
Dark chocolate with chilli? Or, if we read the marketing claptrap on the back, “intense dark chocolate with hints of fiery chilli” and “dark chocolate flavoured with chilli infused cocoa butter”?
Um, I have a more appropriate name for this chocolate.
DARK CHOCOLATE WITH FILTHY, FILTHY LIES.
See, if I were to purchase something entitled “dark chocolate with filthy, filthy lies”, I’d be expecting something other than what it purported to be. I would accept tasting a taste (like walking the walk, or talking the talk, see?) entirely dissimilar to the chocolate’s promoted flavour.
And that would be okay.
Instead, I found myself popping this chocolate into my mouth with a calm certainty that I’d soon be enjoying one of my favourite flavour combinations… and then… nothing.
Sweet. Some honey in the sweetness. Sweet.
No heat, at all. I ate the entire block in one go, and not once did a spark or flicker or flash of spicy flavour appear.
It was a nice, sweet, pleasant, and plain dark chocolate, but I don’t care. It said it was chilli, and it wasn’t, and so I’m going to take myself off to my bedroom and sulk with my teddy bear.
Well, what do you know? I’m in a hostel, and therefore have neither my own bedroom nor a teddy bear. Looks like this lying thing is contagious.