Just a quick one today, folks! Life is suddenly quite busy. Many things to think about and do and remember and be a part of and enjoy. And then there are the essays.
So, here goes (oh, and I hope you appreciate the way I’m humiliating myself by showing you horrible things I’ve eaten in the past. To make myself feel better, please keep in mind that these photos are from my trip to America three years ago).
Things I’ve Done (And Eaten) In My Life That I’ve Felt Really Silly About Afterwards:
1. Climbing really high up a tree at my primary school, getting stuck, and needing a teacher to come and carefully guide me back down whilst I sobbed in panic. (Age: under 10)
Maybe it's because I didn't grow up with Crab Spice Seasoning in the cupboard (i.e. what the bollocks is Crab Spice Seasoning?), but these just tasted awful and bitter to me. Postprandial silliness rating: high.
2. Unwrapping a present on Christmas Day to discover a doll I’d desperately hoped for, becoming hysterical with happiness, and then accidentally thanking the wrong grandparent for it in a really over-the-top fashion. (Age: under 9)
Another Pop Tart: "French Toast" flavour this time. Slightly better than the Hot Fudge Sundae, but still sickeningly fake and sweet-tasting. Postprandial silliness rating: High.
3. Getting a teensy bit drunky at a sleepover with two friends, accidentally knocking a bowl of almonds to the floor and deciding, in my drunky logic-befuddled state, that the only way to rectify the problem was to eat every single almond off the floor without touching any with my hands. (Age: 15) (Note: This was one of only two times in my life I’ve been legitimately drunky. Now do you see why I prefer to make one beer last for three hours?)
*giggle* In all honesty, this didn't taste awful. Postprandial silliness rating: Moderate, but only because I knew I'd just eaten a candy bar the size of my shoe in under five minutes.
4. Climbing really high up a tree in a friend’s backyard, getting stuck, and needing her mother to come and carefully guide me back down whilst I sobbed in panic. (Age: under 10) (Note: This friend’s mother banned me from ever climbing trees again when under her supervision.)
Ewww. Stouffer's Stuffed Pepper with Beef and Rice. What was I thinking? Stupid American dorm living. Postprandial silliness rating: Really high.
5. Falling prey to a “sale!” sign and buying a bag of marshmallows at the supermarket, despite the fact that I don’t like marshmallows (except toasted over a bonfire). Then realising that most of these marshmallows were apricot and banana flavoured, which means they were disgusting. (Age: one week ago.) (Note: I went through half a jar of peanut butter just to render the marshmallows edible. Which, in translation, means I ate about a spoonful of peanut butter in tandem with each marshmallow, simply so I couldn’t taste the latter. GENIUS.)
Oooh, tenuous marshmallow link for the win! Postprandial silliness rating: Moderate, because this tasted of nothing but sweet and I'm ashamed to admit I've never had a real s'more.
6. Climbing really high up one of the trees in my own front yard, getting stuck, and needing my dad to come and carefully guide me back down whilst I sobbed in panic. (Age: under 10)
So disappointing. Postprandial silliness rating: High, because this could have been so tasty and was instead dry, insipid, non-peanut-buttery and overall lame.
Moral of this story? I ate a lot of non-awesome foodstuffs when in America in 2007-8. (And a lot of them seem to have been orange-ish in colour?!)
Oh, and don’t let me anywhere near trees, unless you’re in the mood to play the hero.
Question Time: What have you done and eaten in your life that you’ve felt silly about afterwards?
Such is life… A lot of silliness (and awful food) happens. As long as you can laugh about it after wards, and maybe even learn from the experience, it’s all good!
You’re so right, laughter is the best response to past silliness and regrets
Ah, I used to eat french toast poptarts. They pretty much all taste just sweet anyways, but if I recall that flavour had a hint of cinnamon?
And just how big are your feet? Size 6 – that candy bar is not so big; size 12 – holy mama that’s a good effort!
My food regrets often have to do with quantity rather than junkiness — I grew up eating processed garbage so that doesn’t really make me feel icky, but when I find myself at the bottom of a potato chip bag I’ve just opened (not snack size either), then I feel a bit regretful. Though my favourite food regret story isn’t mine, but Andy’s. At his brother’s wedding in February, the vegan entrees came with a big jalapeno across the top as a garnish. Andy theorised that maybe they weren’t spicy — they’re just skinny capsicums, right? So he took a big bite. Regretted that pretty quickly.
Maybe? I think I remember it as having a fake-maple flavour?
I think my feet are about an 8, so don’t you dare disgarage my efforts – it was serious candy eating
And hey, most potato chips are made with sunflower or “better” oils these days, so an entire packet of chips is just like a tastier 2 of your 5-a-day, right? Also, I probably shouldn’t tell you how many times I’ve eaten whole chillies as a party trick…
Crab spice = Ewww! French Toast Poptart = yes please. Reese’s = OH HELL YES. Stouffers = no thank you. Hershey’s smore = how can you not like marshmallows?! Reese’s = again, yes yes yes with all my heart.
One Q though: What is with you and climbing scary trees, missy?! (Semi-relatedly, did you ever read ‘The View from the Cherry Tree’ when you were young?)
Toasted marshmallows are good, and I’m sure proper quality marshmallows would be lovely, but I can’t get excited about stale marshmallows from the supermarket that taste of nothing but fakeness
Also, I think I’m part monkey. Part, because I’m only good at going up
Haven’t read that book, though – who wrote it?
Ah yes, ok, I do agree with you on the stale marshmallows. If you ever have any mini ones that go stale, though, a good old Watergate salad is the perfect use (even though it’s full of fake stuff too) http://www.kraftrecipes.com/recipes/watergate-salad-53771.aspx
I can’t get that link to load with my current slow internet, but I have a feeling it’s going to make my soul cry when I do…
Heh, well, lest you get your hopes up that much, I’ll tell you the recipe here. It’s classic American simplicity + artificiality
1 can (20 oz.) crushed pineapple, in juice, undrained
1 pkg. (3.4 oz.) JELL-O Pistachio Flavor Instant Pudding
1 cup Miniature Marshmallows
1/2 cup chopped pecans
1-1/2 cups thawed COOL WHIP
MIX first 4 ingredients in large bowl until well blended.
STIR in COOL WHIP.
REFRIGERATE 1 hour.
Well, you know how much I love pistachio! Gosh, isn’t that just a brilliant recipe?
To be honest, though, it could be worse. I thought it was going to be one of those retch-inducing “savoury” jello salad with meat and vegies suspended in lime jello…
Oh, by the way…
Silly: I just snapped my plastic knife in half digging into my jar of PB. Another plastic knife, that is.
Sillier: After I had banana with PB for breakfast, I had a couple heaping spoonfuls of PB as a mid-morning snack. Thus, when lunch arrived, I wasn’t hungry for the leftover misir watt I brought. After my lunchless lunch hour was over and I returned to my desk, I found myself feeling hungry again. So what do I do? Eat another spoonful of PB. It is now 3pm, and several more bites have been eaten throughout the afternoon. SO, apparently all I have eaten so far today is PB…and a banana.
Silliest, but also by far the most tragic: This PB I’ve been eating all day happens to be my hoarded-up-so-long-that-it-passed-expiration-and-now-I-have-no-choice-but-to-eat-it-up final jar of PB Loco Dark Chocolate Duo. It could, in fact, be the last remaining jar IN THE WORLD! In any case, it is the last jar I will ever get to eat. ::wail::
That was pretty long for a silly PB diatribe, but I think you’ll understand.
My love, I *completely* understand. As you know, I just opened my cookie dough PB Loco, knowing I’ll never be able to find it again. (Oh, Savannah Peanut Butter store, you shall always own a piece of my heart.) ‘Course, mine doesn’t expire until the end of October, so I’m not letting myself eat any more of it yet
But surely you shouldn’t be too perturbed about the dark choc cuo being gone – you’ve got constant access to PB & Co’s version, and all those Naturally Nutty nut butters, for which I yearn and yearn…
Yes, that is true…it’s just that the PB Loco choc…it has…mini chocolate chips inside! ::Sob::
This means I’m down to Asian Curry Spice, White Chocolate Raspberry, and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.
However, yes, I do realize how fortunate I am to have access to those others :] Wish I could throw some over the ocean to you!
Okay, I *really* have no pity now. I thought that was your last PB Loco of all time… you still have three full jars, you silly lady! You’re swimmin’ in Loco love!
I’d so be ready to catch those jars if you ever did…
Ah, crab spice seasoning chips. Around these parts, they’d call it Old Bay. Marylanders are OBSESSED with Old Bay. They put it on everything — popcorn, pizza, eggs, and naturally, seafood. A WashPost article, if you’re interested: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/10/06/AR2009100600778.html
Too many silly and humiliating things, but one reminded me of your grandparent story. When I was about 4 or 5, I told one of my grandmothers that I loved the other more. When she became upset, I did my best to reason it out with her. “Well, it’s because I see her every day, and I only see you twice a year! Just like how you love my cousins more!”
Oh my, I love precocious/honest 4 or 5 year old Lauren! That is such an awesome anecdote… but did you feel guilty at the time, or only retrospectively? I still remember the mortification when I thanked the wrong grandma, and had to try and hit the same level of enthusiasm for her real gift!
I didn’t think my statement was a big deal, so when I saw the horror on my mother and grandmother’s faces, I tried to reason it out with them. Of course, it only got worse. I think I felt awkward with that grandma until I was about 14 years old. (Though perhaps due more to the distance than this slight!)
Oh gosh, this still makes me laugh every time I read it… Luckily, neither of my grandmas held it against me. And it definitely helps relationships when all one’s grandparents live in the same city
I once ate a pizza from domino’s
Biggest mistake of my life
Eagle Boys is worse
*snorts* ahhh drunken 15 year olds. Those were the days!!
I bet you have some interesting stories…
you have NO idea how happy this post makes me… partially for the silly foodstuffs (most of which i’m pleased – !? – to say i’ve also eaten), but mostly because i am STILL known to get stuck in trees and turn into a hysterical, wailing, hyperventilating wreck. when will i learn!??
OMG. Tree date, asap? We can hold each other and cry from the treetops together!
The crab spice Lays chips reminded me of the buffalo wings flavoured Doritos I recently had in America. Oh so wrong in so many ways!
Love all the pictures and thanks for sharing the stories!
Would it be bad to admit that I think I tried those buffalo wing Doritos and actually thought they weren’t half bad? Don’t hate me – I like tangy spicy things!
There seems to be a repeating issue with heights & trees around age 10 but no-matter – age 10 is all about not just figuring stuff out but in really making sure you’ve figured it out right. Hannah = stay away from trees OK.
I never thought to photograph my sillyness factors while in the US, but I sure gobbled up a lot of artificial colours & flavourings that trip… I did a few months of Summer Camp, had an awesome time…. but was amazed at how cheese featured on almost every meal…, that weird bright orange cheese. What are your thought about the (US) orange cheese BTW?
I think I stopped climbing trees about the time I started caring that they were crawling with bugs and spiders. Suddenly, the cost outweighed the benefits
Honestly, the only cheese I ate in America was the awesome kind – cheeses from places like Cowgirl Creamery. And I remember there was one called Humboldt Fog by Cypress Grove that was great. So the bright orange stuff? Do Not Want
Jeepers…you’re like Tigger in a tree! I have to admit though, I couldn’t even climb a tree when I was a kid, let alone get down again!
Hmmm, I have done a lot of things in my life that I’ve felt silly about afterwards…but it is entertaining to think about them from the safety of time!
As for food, I don’t actually know…I do remember having a pavlova eating contest with one of my cousins a few years back. I won (we each had half of a big pavlova and it was contest to see who could eat it the fastest). But if you ever try to do this yourself…beware because it makes you cough a lot (I think it’s the crispy coating).
The wonderful thing about Tiggers, is Tiggers are wonderful things…
I think silliness that becomes entertaining is A-OK. Silliness that turns into mortification is the pits, though! I don’t think your pavlova eating competition fits into either category, though. I think that just sounds like awesome.
T-I-double-guh-Er!
We did, however, eat some very silly food last night…Simba chips which we found in the international isle (I think they’re South African). Mrs H.S. Ball’s Chutney flavour…very weird and sweet which is quite strange-tasting for potato chips but disturbingly addictive.
I can absolutely see that working. Every time I try something like mango chutney I think “I need more of this in my life”, and then I forget about it for another few years. I need me some Simba!
haha oh my – you never cease to brighten up my day!!
I do recall getting my head stuck between the bars of some play equipment when I was 5! I remember feeling so very very embarassed!!!
Aw, thank you!
And oh my heavens, your anecdote made me laugh! I once got a finger jammed in the holes of a payphone booth but got it out after lubricating with lipgloss. But your head? Brilliant!
Every DAY I eat something so silly I daren’t admit it to myself let alone the blogosphere….
One thing I did notice about your regrettable edibles (ooh I like that ‘regrettable edibles’ – copyrighted now) is that orange is the featured colour…..
Yep, I noted that too towards the end of my post – apparently orange is the colour of shame
Oh, gosh, I’m so curious about your non-bloggable regrettable edibles (Kath-trademarked) now!
The comment space isn’t long enough for my answer I suspect
All that orange food and such wasted stomach space! 
I know, it’s a travesty! Luckily I’ve also found photos of a lot of not-quite-as-bad foodstuffs I partook in in the States that aren’t as orange
1) Crab spice potato chips? Must be an East coast thing.
2) Postprandial is one of my favorite words. Postprandial shunting = the sleepy feeling you get after a big meal.
3) On an unrelated, and very sad note, I just had to throw away a jar of peanut butter. It turns out that when you buy preservative-free peanut butter, and then you leave it in the cupboard while you go off gallivanting around the USA, it goes bad.
Oh Camille! Please tell me you at least brought back some gustatorial delights from the States to fill the peanut butter void in your pantry, which you can blog about before indulging in some postprandial shunting?
Oh, I brought some stuff back, alright – in the form of bigger thighs.
Stupid weight/luggage restrictions on American Airlines precluded much food necessity shopping (thing I am saddest about: my dangerously low supply of Trader Joe’s relish). I do have a baggie of PB-filled pretzels, though. Will have to savor them.
As long as you have peanut butter filled pretzels, nothing else matters. I think I cried a little when I finished my bag here and knew I couldn’t get any more. And more thighs is AWESOME, because it means that any skinny jeans looks even skinnier, therefore transforming you into the pinnacle of fashion forwardness. See? Life is brilliant.
Come now, that chocolate bar is HARDLY the size of your shoe. And size 8? Pffft!
I, on the other hand (or foot?) have polished off a large block of Cadbury’s rocky road chocolate and then a medium block of Green & Black’s 70% today. It doesn’t appear to have ruined my dinner, but I am feeling a little sheepish about it. Perhaps I should have lamb for dinner.
Pshaw, that’s a normal day’s choc-eatin’ in Smurf Kitchen home. Except without the Cadbury’s, although I do believe I tried that one once years ago. How would you rate it?
Also, MY FOOT IS ENORMOUS. Stop raining on my Miss Piggly Wink parade!
ha, I love that you had multiple ones about getting stuck in a tree
Yes, at times I am less than awesome…
As you only have two grandmothers I must have been involved in your Christmas doll story and I have absolutely no remembrance of it at all, so as far as I am concerned you can forget being embarrassed about that. How about a blog about all the things you can be proud of – there should be hundreds of them.
Oh, Grandma. You have no idea how relieved I am to hear you say that. I’ve been carrying that guilt for about 15 years now… Can I say one thing I’m proud of? Being your grand-daughter
Ha, at least you had the guts to climb trees! And I love that shoe shot – in my case, that chocolate bar would be gi-normous given my size 10 shoe. lol.
If I could find a size 10 Reese’s chocolate bar, I’d be so in!
you were young, right? and now you are grown up you will never indulgence in such foolishness again – though those marshmallows do sound like a mistake – aaah for me it was the whizzy dizzy slide that I couldn’t go down once I climbed to the top but that was many many years ago and my dad rescued me